Deep thoughts by men while fishing

Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Jim says, "I think I'm
going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You
better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

i was lay in bed with my wife last night when she said" i'm going to make you the happiest man alive.
i said i'm going to miss you.

I bumped into a Dutchman today and I noticed his shoes had built-in sat nav. I thought to myself, clever clogs!'

i walked past the fridge last night and thought i heard 2 onions singing a bee gees song" but when i opened the door it was just chives talkin.

A mate of mine was once engaged to a lovely girl who worked as a petrol station cashier. Out of the blue she broke off the relationship, he was devastated. To this day he cannot pass the petrol station without filling up.

I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says 
"Fancy some fun in the bedroom Babe?"
I said, "After the football love"
She said, "You do realise that you can record it?"
I said, "Nice one, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy finishes".